Having a baby is hard. Having a baby who doesn't nap is hard. Having a baby when your family lives across the country and your closest friend is an hour away is hard.
I'm struggling through the days and it has gotten to the point where I don't feel like I am enjoying my baby like I should. I'm frustrated that there is no time or naptime in the day where I can get things done. Weekends don't have enough hours in them for us to spend time as a family. Instead we are running errands, cooking, cleaning and just playing catchup. I haven't been to therapy for my anxiety in weeks because we have nobody to watch the baby. I can feel myself slowly losing the post-partum depression battle.
NJhusband and I decided it was time to get some help. We have a trial with a nanny on Friday to see if she may be a good fit for us. We are going to start with just a few hours twice a week, enough for me to have one day to see my doctor and one day for errands, cleaning and whatever else I need to catch up on so that weekends can be spent together.
I have to admit I feel like a bit of a failure for needing help. I question why I can't do it all on my own, but I have to accept that right now I need a hand.
Fingers crossed she isn't scared off by the 100 pounds of black lab mix that will surely "greet" her at the door.