Tuesday, January 28, 2014


I'm slowly being driven crazy by the constant sound of dripping water and the vacuum. Seriously solitary confinement has NOTHING on the near constant presents of competing sounds.

Our pipes have a tendency to freeze. It's a section behind all our kitchen cabinets and granite tile backsplash so getting at it to do a permanent solution means tearing out my beautiful kitchen so we opt for the destroy the planet method which is to leave our faucet running when the temps dip below freezing. 

The recent polar vortex means that pretty much we are running water constantly these days. drip. drip. drip......ALL. DAY AND NIGHT LONG.

Also, baby E struggles with sleep and the ONLY thing that gets him off to sleep is the sound of the vacuum. NJhusband recorded 15 minutes of vacuuming on my iphone so several times a day I have to listen to our Dyson amongst the dripping.  

I am slowly being driven to insanity. I can only hope it is quiet there....

Monday, January 27, 2014

Putting Myself Out There

Last night I took a baby step towards getting out of my post-baby malaise. I went on Facebook and joined a couple of mom groups in my area. Judging by the posts though, I'm not quite sure I've found my "tribe" yet. I'm not clicking or connecting with any of the posts. Most of the moms have older kids and have this mom thing down. I still am afraid to leave the house with my kid and can hardly get a dinner on the table every night. 

I may ask my therapist if I can bring the baby to a session. I'm drowning without my weekly dose of reality. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

A Struggle

I'm struggling with this new mom thing. My fierce independence has always been a core component of my personality. I was a stay at home wife before Eli. I had the luxury of time to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Now I am NEVER alone. I get no time to myself, no moments to just be me. I'm struggling with a complete lack of identity, coupled with a huge blow to my self esteem now that there is no time for a haircut, an eye appointment or even a shower, not to mention the baby weight. I haven't been to therapy in months and I used to go at least once a week. Sometimes twice. I used to sleep. Oh how I miss consecutive sleep. 

It's hard with no family or friends able to help. NJhusband is great, but he is gone 12 hours a day and it's just different for men I think. Or maybe it's just different for the member of the household that gets to step away to work 5 days a week. He talks to people, he sees the world every day. His landscape is different daily. 

I feel guilty for the struggle. I have a happy, healthy baby boy. I thought I would feel fulfilled and I feel....lost. I am struggling with how to let go of my previous self. 

I wish my baby books had talked about this. 


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Maybe Tomorrow

I'm 11 weeks into this new baby thing. One thing that has surprised me at how both predictable AND unpredictable the days are. I know he's going to eat every 3ish hours. I know he's probably going to take 2ish naps, but besides that we just kind of wing it.

There are days like yesterday where I am able to strip our bed and wash all our sheets and towels AND make sweet chili meatballs for dinner. These are the days I feel with it and confident I can do this.

Then there are the other days. The days like today where both Eli and I are sobbing by the time NJhusband comes home, there is no dinner, the dog desperately needs to go out, nobody has any clean clothes and getting stuck in the rain is my only means of getting a shower.

Those are the days where I just have to look around the house and say "maybe tomorrow".

Monday, January 13, 2014

Confession and Accountability

I keep a super organized home. Even with a baby I have managed to stay (mostly) organized at home. Except for our dirty little secret. The bathroom:

Our (one and only) bathroom is a complete DISASTER. Not that I'm throwing anyone under a bus, but 85% of the products and  "stuff" in here is NJHusband's. Hair goo, shaving items, dress clothes, multiple colognes. It's a complete disorganized mess. So here I am, laying it all out there for you. By the end of January, I am committing to getting (and keeping) this space in check. 

Wish me luck...I'm going in!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

My Washing Machine Reads My Blog

Just the other day I was blogging about laundry and last night my washing machine decided to bite the dust midcycle. Nothing like spending an evening in your bathtub trying to rinse soap out of an entire load of clothes.

A new model will be arriving tomorrow. Since we plan to move in the next year or so (I hope!) and will rent out our house, we opted for a simple model with nothing fancy. We looked at the fancier models that I have my heart (eventually) set on, but unfortunately they won't fit in the space we have so I'll have to wait for my dream laundry space. For now I'll settle for something that takes the soap out.

 Now let us hope that the dryer doesn't get any funny ideas....

Tuesday, January 7, 2014


I still am not entirely sure why tiny clothes add up to SO MUCH LAUNDRY, but they do. Back when I was single and living in NYC, I made the journey to the laundromat, no joke, once a month. These days I'm doing laundry nearly every day. Baby clothes, dog blankets, our clothes, towels, bedding. It never ends! Thankfully we have laundry in our house so I don't have to carry it all outside anymore. Major kudos to the NYC moms who have to do this. I bow down to you and your clean clothes.

I have a lot of skin sensitivities so I wanted to make sure to get a detergent that was going to be baby-friendly for Eli's clothes. After a lot of research and testing, we decided to go with Babyganics for his clothes. Their stain remover is AMAZEBALLS. It has even gotten out OLD stains on our clothes. My mom, who constantly mocks me for my organic and "natural" products constantly is even a convert. They sell it at some Targets and Babies R Us. In fact Babies R Us has a buy 1 get 1 free sale right now. I had $10 in reward points to use, so I scored a laundry detergent and got a free stain remover, all for the grand total of $2.95 out of pocket! I love a good deal!

Babyganics has NO clue who I am, I just am in love LOVE with this product and thought I would share with my fellow laundry do-ers. 

Monday, January 6, 2014

Holiday Recap

The tree is down, the holiday card/birth announcements were sent:

I didn't want to fly this year with such a young baby, so this year my family rented a beach house here in NJ. During the Summer, we NEVER could have afforded to rent this house, but in the Winter, it was a steal. It had enough bedrooms for everyone, a huge dining room table so we could have all our meals together and a gorgeous view of the ocean. It was even warm enough a few days to walk to the beach. 

Renting a house for the holidays was a HUGE undertaking. We had to bring EVERYTHING from towels, to a Christmas tree and decorations to food. It was exhausting, but it was nice that everyone could stay together. 

The day after we got back from the beach house, we had Eli's baptism. It was more than a little nutty to do it less than 24 hours after being home, but we survived. Unfortunately EVERYONE involved in the baptism forgot their camera so we don't have many pictures, but the church uploads their services to YouTube, so at least we have a video. I did snap a picture of the gorgeous cake his godmother had made for him. She also had the same woman do my baby shower cake and it was SOOOO good. 

We had the post-baptism brunch at the same place we had our rehearsal dinner for our wedding (the ceremony was in the same church as well) and it was lovely. They had the room decorated for Christmas still and a fire going in the fireplace. It was definitely the perfect way to round out the holiday craziness. 

Now it is 2014 and we are on to the next year. I haven't figured out what my hopes and dreams are for the new year other than for Eli to start sleeping through the night. 

Happy New Year to you all!