Saturday, October 5, 2013

I'm Not the Only One

A friend recently sent me a link to a New York Times article titled "Pregnant, Pill Free and Panicked"

Well if that doesn't describe me perfectly then I don't know what does. In consultation with my doctors, I chose to go off all anxiety meds 6 months before trying to conceive so I would have a clean system before we started trying. By the time he is born I will have been off all meds for over a year and a half and it has been a tough road. I switched from psychotherapy to a cognitive behavior therapy, which helped a lot, but was an extremely slow process. My hope is to continue both a drug therapy and the behavior therapy after he is born. I have never been able to do both simultaneously and am hopeful that will be the right combination for me. 

I always just assumed I would have kids, but never gave much thought to the actual being pregnant or labor aspects. Denial is a fabulous land if you haven't visited it yourself. My therapist says I should feel proud of not letting the anxiety win and keep me from having the life I want, but it feels a little reckless to just leap into pregnancy and hope it works out in the end. The "end" is near and there isn't much else I can do but leap. 

As the writer of the article says, living with anxiety prepares you for the parental anxiety you will live with likely for the rest of your life. 

I consider myself QUITE well prepared then. Talk about a silver lining. 

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