Friday, May 3, 2013

A Broken Spirit

Anxiety and pregnancy don't mix well. The decision to go off all anxiety meds was not one that was taken lightly and involved  2 therapists, an OB, my husband and myself. I've had some ups and downs, but I've gone to every appointment, blood test and done every assignment given to me by my therapist. 

I had a wicked toothache over the weekend so I called my dentist and got an emergency appointment. I have SEVERE dental anxiety, so even getting myself to the dentist was a pretty good accomplishment to me. The appointment was a disaster. The short version is, my dentist said the following: Fixing your tooth will hurt the baby, NOT fixing your tooth will hurt your baby and OH LORD woman you need to go back on your meds. He even gave me a letter to give my OB asking if he could use a totally unsafe sedation medicine on me and at the end strongly recommending that I be on anxiety medication again. Let's just say I will not be taking either of his recommendations OR returning to that practice (this is also the practice where I had a traumatic wisdom tooth surgery, so I should have known better). 

But now I find my spirit completely broken. I feel like I've somehow done something that will hurt my baby. I have convinced myself I'm going to miscarry and I can't snap out of the feeling. I can't believe I'm letting a dentist get me down, yet I can't help to feel like I've done something wrong. 

Isn't 16 weeks a bit early to be feeling like a bad mom??

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