Friday, April 26, 2013

16 Weeks

16 weeks have passed and I still can't bring myself to write about this pregnancy. I still fear every day that it isn't going to stick, even though even scan, test and doctor's appointment tells me otherwise. And if nausea and food aversions are ANY indication of a healthy baby, then I'm certainly covered there. 

Hope is a tough thing for me. I never thought I'd get married until I was down the aisle. I never thought I would/could get pregnant until I did. I guess I won't believe I can get through 40 weeks of pregnancy until I do. I just wish I had the ability to enjoy it more than I have been. My therapist suggested getting a pregnancy journal and I did find one that I liked, but I feel guilt that the pages of the first 15 weeks are mostly blank. 

I keep hoping that after the big 20 week scan things will feel more real to me. Knowing a gender and assigning a name to the baby will make things seem more concrete. 

Until then, we call it "Peanut". 

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