Monday, September 10, 2012

Having Faith


Faith and hope have never been my strong points. I never thought I would find love and get married and here I am, in love and married. I never thought I would have a good relationship with my family and now that we've all grown a bit, we have made strides. There are so many elements to my life that I never thought would happen and they have and I hate that I wasted so much negative energy and thoughts on thinking they would never come. Why am I so hesitant to believe that good things will happen to me? Is it that I believe I don't deserve them? Maybe. 
My impatience comes from thinking good things will never come. I have an inability to healthfully deal with disappointment, so I avoid possibility. I believe I can't get pregnant until I do (and it sticks) and only then will I believe it was even a possibility in order to avoid being disappointed. NJhusband is so much better at keeping the faith than I am. I need a dose of that, but I don't know how to internalize it myself.

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