In 23 days I am going to be a "Stay at Home Wife". I have always fended for myself. I was a single, independent NYC girl who supported herself before I met and married R and this new, shall we say "chapter" of my life is going to be unfamiliar. I have options I am considering, babysitting, freelance writing, a return to photo editing, no concrete plan, just a floating of ideas swirling in my head. Part will depend on our financial situation come January, part will come as I reflect on this new me that exists.
I'm trying hard to remember that new doesn't always mean scary, but it's hard. I need to find a way to turn all the worry into wonderment at what will come next.
My feeder is inundated with Thanksgiving recipes, crafts and posts. I love to see everyone getting excited about a big meal, see the menu plans and even hear about travel woes, but for myself, this year I am skipping Thanksgiving. After 11 months of wedding planning, a couple of broken toes in last August and the recent news of my impending January 1 layoff (my company is folding), I am exhausted and out of spirit.
I am thankful for a loving husband, that I kept a job in this economy for this long, that our wedding is paid for. But at the same time I am thankful, I also am in possession of a broken spirit. We had a plan. We were going to get a puppy, we had future baby plans and now I feel like I have....status quo and no impending paycheck.
I know I have things to be thankful, but right now they are marred by my feeling scared for the future.