Thursday, May 26, 2011

Tripping Down the Aisle

I was never one of those girls who wanted to get married. I longed for companionship for sure, but when I really looked at my future, I wasn't sure if wife was a role I was destined to play. I'm stubborn, hate doing anything I don't absolutely HAVE to do and I liked living alone. Not exactly the best ingredients for a successful life-long partnership. I had very little faith that anyone would ever embrace my independence and I spent years fighting against what I now know is just my inherent nature (thank you therapy). I had even less faith that someone would ever love me for it. My one biggest regret in my 20s is that I dealt with my loneliness by shutting the door on possibility. I got stuck in the "I will never" way too often. I look back now and think I was an active participant in online dating not so that I could find love, but so that I could prove to myself that there was nobody out there who would "fit" me. By the time I got the "match" notice from NJfiance I had had so many failed dates, funny stories and restraining orders (just kidding!) that I went into our date with nothing. No expectations, no hopes, no fears. And I somehow hit the love jackpot with truly one of the few good men.

Now I'm half way to the aisle. 6 months from being engaged and 6 months from the wedding. I'm still stubborn and hate doing anything I don't absolutely HAVE to do, but I've learned to embrace at least most parts of cohabitation (Tip: having my own office with tv/dvr helps), but I also appreciate being part of a true partnership and don't take it for granted. It makes me feel like the world is a little bit smaller in some ways and so much bigger in others.

Sometimes I still look at NJfiance and wonder how on earth I got him.

1 comment:

  1. It took me years into our marriage to realize I needed a place of my own in our home.